Gm          D7/Gb
If you really loved me the way you say you do

Bb/F                           C7/E
If you love me half as much as I love you

          Cm7/Eb                  Bb         A                      D
You would pluck a planet from the sky, you’d use a star to dot the “i”

          Gm     D7/Gb
In I love you... that is what you’d do
      Bb/F                            C7/E
You'd take a dreary day and you would paint it blue
        Cm7/Eb             Bb   A
If you loved me unconditionally these are the things
that you would do for me

Because I need you, like a fish needs the sea
Like a fire needs oxygen, like a flower needs a bee
And if you really care for me you’d let me video you while you wee

Standing up in the bath, I shouldn’t even have to ask
Perhaps you’ll even store a little more in a flask
These are just the things that people do
           A           D           Gm
When their love for one another is true
Ba da da

We go together, like a cracker and Brie
Like racism and ignorance Like bling and R&B
But if you really want to show you care You’d let me wear your underwear

When we visit your mum's, it's a bit of harmless fun
I just like talking about your childhood with some lace between my buns
There’s no reason for a big to-do if your love for one another is true
Ba da da

We go together, like a bird in a nest
Like Internet and porn, like guns and the US
And if you love me like you say that you do

You'd purchase forty cockatoo and teach them to fly
in formation in the sky and shit the words “Tim is God”
on my ex-girlfriend’s Hyundai
Sure, it might be easier with doves but shirking challenges is not what love

       Eb    D                        Eb
Is all about love is not all wine and roses
D                            Eb     C/E                     F
Sometimes it’s handcuffs and cheese no-one said love is for free
     Am/E                                 Cm/Eb
And if you agree with that you'll sing me passages from the Koran
        D7                            Gm                 Dmaj#5/Gb (or... D/Gb)
wearing nothing but a Bob the Builder hat to the tune of waltzing Matilda
       Dm/F                    Gm/E                  Eb/F   F    E
I just love the combination of Islam, nationalism and buil--der

--*SOLO*-- (Best of luck...)

(And a little bitty builder)
(Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy)
(And Bob the fucking Builder)
... (Let Bob the fucking Builder!)

          Am              E7/Ab
Because I need you Like a tick needs a tock
     C/G                         D7/Gb
Like bananas need pyjamas Like a nun needs cock
           Dm7/F                        C
But if you want to put your love for me first
    B                        E
You wouldn’t go through childbirth

               Am            E7/Ab
You’d agree to adopt so that you could stay thin
            C/G                   D7/Gb
We’ll get a Chinese kid, it could teach us Mandarin
    Dm7/F                         C
And communists don’t make as much noise
            B              E             Am     G
And they’re really good at sharing their toys

          Cm              G/B
Because I dig you like an Aussie digs pies
     Eb/Bb                      F7/A
Like Born-Agains dig Jesus like Jesus dug guys
           Fm7/Ab              G         D                    G
And if you love me unconditionally you’d do my tax return for me

                Cm        G/B
Cos it’s way overdue, and I just don’t know,
  Eb/Bb                            F7/A
I guess I’m self-employed but do I still pay as I go?
              Fm7/Ab            G
And does the threshold apply to me?
             C               G
And should I register for GST?
           C                  G
And if you love me unconditionally
          A          D                 Gm
Would you let me video you while you wee?
Assuming there's nothing worth watching on the ABC
" "